Dendy Chronicles - выпуск #4


Uploaded by Kinaman88 on 17.11.2011

Transcript:
Pavel Grinev a.k.a. Kinaman presents
A Kinamania Productions production
With u-sm.ru support
Music by Jonas Tunander
Remembering our childhood time spent with Dendy, and the most memorable games,
we often recall not only the ones that bring us joy of beating them,
but also ones that could take months and even years to beat.
For some people it is such hardcore giants as Ninja Gaiden or Castlevania,
others think that Prince of Persia or Battletoads are insanely difficult.
Someone took a lot of suffering trying to beat Robocop 3 on the infamous 7-in-1 cartridge.
Of course, difficulty level always was a personal thing.
Anyway, I have no doubts that everyone would completely agree that the game I'm going to tell you about,
is the most cruel and ruthless mockery on the gamers in the whole history of 8-bit game consoles.
The world has never seen anything like this again.
And you surely know this game very well - it is Chostly Village.
Cho?.. [What?]
..stly Village.
Actually it is called Ghostly Village, but there is nothing surprising,
you would often see it on pirate cartridges under this screwed title.
For example, on the old Super Game carts it was called
Ghostly Village
Ghostly Villaage?
Ghostly Village?!
So, I'm the only one who got it with this shitty label?
Anyway.
Why this game is so scary?
Because it is...
absolutely impossible to beat.
I'm serious!
It wasn't made in a way that kids would be able to play it from start to the end,
it was made to sell them as much gamepads as possible,
because those who attempt to beat it, would throw their gamepads into a wall right on the second level.
There is no other game on Dendy that you would like to throw into a window after an hour of hopeless attempts to beat it.
And now you'll learn why.
Starting screen of the game explicitly suggest that the developers weren't completely sane.
A scene.
A guy brought his girlfriend at a cemetery at night,
demonstrated her his red underpants, and they started a picnic.
That's first act.
When, a flying demon appeared and take the girl away, in the dark.
That's second act.
So the surprised guy put on his armor and prepared for a long and dangerous adventure.
The first thing that I would like to know after I saw this for first time
is what the heck they were doing at a cemetery at night?
Is it the best place to get privacy and relax?
From the beginning of the game you see that you have two lives, two hits each, you armed with infinite amount of lances,
and infinite amount of zombies come out of the ground, trying to eat you.
When you get to the first mini boss, you realize that two hits is really not much for a battle with someone
who can zoom around and attack you like a vulture.
And when you get first hit, the guy loses his armor and remains in the underpants,
that are red certainly just to provoke the boss.
Before you figure out how to defeat this demon, you lose a life anyway.
Then you'll learn that after you lose a life, you have to start from the beginning of a level.
Luckily, this only happens if you haven't got to the checkpoint, which is located at the middle of every level.
Besides of that, you'll see that there is just six levels in the game, which is not much,
and you can only hope that they aren't much harder than the first one.
After you pass the first demon and other flying scum,
it become clear that you should use jump button in a very special way.
You can't change direction after you pressed the button,
so if you are in the midair already, you can't do a thing before the guy touch the ground.
Even if you see that an enemy appeared in front of you, you'll land on him inevitably, and die.
If only you weren't able to shoot backwards in the midair, it would be just hopeless,
because the controls are pretty tough already.
A really fun thing is that enemies appear on the screen at random, and can do it anywhere.
For example, zombies can get out of the ground right under your feet.
Or, when you trying to avoid one of these orange creatures, one of them can appear right in front of you, while you punish the first one.
However, the first boss would seem like a complete idiot, comparing to the others, and you can beat him from first or second attempt.
From the second level the game starts to be a complete ass.
Fascination of the level is that almost all the flying enemies move in a complete random ways.
And they do it so fast that your knight with his heavy armor is just incapable to avoid them.
In the very beginning you are attacked by a crowd of creatures that are flying around the screen.
And you have not just avoid them, but do it jumping on the platforms and shooting in the plants.
Agility level of your character is clearly does not allow to do both things without a loss.
So you just need luck to do this.
Then you get to the checkpoint, there is a large three-storey house with open windows,
and there the game start to take the piss on you.
When you will run across, one, two, or even three ghosts could fly out from every opened window directly at you,
and it happens so fast that before you realize that you has been attacked, they would kick your butt and fly away.
You will have just a half of a second to realize how many ghosts and from which window are flying at you.
It is just impossible to react on this with such limited mobility.
So you have to count on luck here as well.
In the red underpants, we getting to the next house, which has few floors, with gargoyles and crows moving around on every floor.
To get through this place alive, you need to be not just lucky, but be really lucky eight times in a row,
because while you realize that you need to spend ten lances on every gargoyle,
and while you will be shooting at the first one, a crow fly at you from the back.
And there you realize that your ass in a grip, and you have no exit.
If you stop attacking the gargoyle and turn around to kill the crow, the gargoyle start to shoot at you, approaching really fast.
There you have three ways to die:
you could be shoot by the gargoyle,
you could attempt to jump over the projectile and land into the gargoyle,
you could try to run away, and jump over the projectile, gargoyle shoots again and kill you.
Anyway, you are out of luck.
Yes, you also can hope that the crow fly around you,
but unfortunately it moves in a way that it would hit you in center of the screen with 90% chances.
To kill the gargoyle and keep alive, it is simply necessary that the crow would fly from the front instead of the back.
In this case it get right under your attack and will not create any trouble.
However, there is five floors in the house, two gargoyles per floor,
so even if you avoid latter ones, you have to kill six.
This means that to get through the house you have to hope that the crow will appear at the needed side for six times.
If it appear from the other side at least once, you are dead.
That is just second level, and your success is depends on the pure luck for 80%
Everything is designed in a way that with enemies appeared randomly in undesirable places
your own gaming skills will not help you at all,
because you will always be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
You only can hope that enemies will appear where you need it, only then you'll be able to get further.
How in the world it was possible to use such approach in an arcade game?
When one of the gargoyles will finish you, you'll get the game over,
and there you'll discover that you weren't given any continues.
So if you want to try again, you have to start from the very beginning.
This means that in the whole game that beats the shit out of you in the second level, you only given with two lives.
So even if it somehow will be enough for you to manage to get to 4th or 5th level, where you lose last life,
you will have to start from the beginning.
That's the sadism.
Most of gamers in such cases just refuse to believe that such a cruel game lacks at least a hidden way to continue.
That's just can't be!
For example, let's remember Milon's Secret Castle, that was nowhere as hardcore as Ghostly Village.
So there simply have to be some code for continue or extra lives.
We only need to find it out.
Where we can do this?
Of course, in a cheat book, written by people who knows what's what in the games.
OK, we searching for Ghostly Village.
Ghostly Villge.
That's probably it.
OK, here it is.
'Ghostly Village. If the title taken as 'a place where dead are living', without any doubts, you called to play on a cemetery'.
We got it already, give us a continue code!
'Be careful, the dead get out right of the ground'.
I noticed that!
'You have to go in the direction pointed by the arrow'.
I f..... noticed that too!
'You can choose yourself which path is safer, the top or the bottom one, at your will'
Choose yourself?
And that's it?
F..., I always choose myself!
You tell me where is safer!
F..., and that's the secrets?!
Go in the direction pointed by the arrow and choose where is safer!
Where are codes for continue, where are codes for lives?!
Choose f....ng yourself!
F.....!
This bullshit probably was written by an asshole that didn't even get through the first demon.
He had to write something, and he was like:
- Who the heck knows what to write?
- Let's see, what we have here?
- Oh, here are zombies coming of the ground, let's write this down, what a secret!
- Oh, and here are arrows at the signs, its just impossible to figure out!
- This is good!
- OK, which path is safer, the top or the bottom?
- Who the heck knows, choose yourself, it is not my problem.
Damned professionals!
So, all that you can do is to leave the hopes and attempt to beat the whole game with just two lives from the beginning.
Three hours later you may get lucky six times in a row, and get through the house with gargoyles.
Maybe you even will be lucky enough to get to the bosses and kill them.
When in the beginning of the third level bats and zombies will beat the shit out of your knight,
the red demon turn him into a stack of bones, and you realize that you lose last life yet again,
would you like to spend another three hours to get to this level again,
knowing for sure that you will have no luck here?
After the first demon there will be second, then third...
In short, to beat the third level you would need at least two lives,
and because you have only two lives for the whole game, you just can't spend them at first two levels.
So you would need to spend like 20 extra hours to get all of the conditions:
A. Beat the first level without losing a life.
B. You manage to get through all the gargoyles from the first attempt, and kill the bosses.
C. You defeat all the demons on the third level without losing a life, and kill the boss, whoever it is.
Only in this case you can get to the fourth level and attempt to beat it.
And there...
Even if you manage to get to the exit alive in a miraculous way, waiting for the boss battle,
he easily could not appear.
A bug? Maybe.
If you walk back and forth for some time and return to the exit, you'll see him anyway.
But that's does not matter, because...
And all over again.
So, you have no lives, no continues,
and the game is so unbeatable like it was designed by the Devil himself,
with every level being one of the circles of the Hell.
I don't yet know what is on the fifth level, but I heard it is the most difficult level of the game.
What could be even more difficult?!
Maybe if you will be attacked by two demons every step,
and you have to climb ladders and jump over the pits at the same time,
and also watch out if something jumps out of the ground.
Well, because it is absolutely impossible to get there with just two lives,
and we don't have any cheats,
all we could do now is to turn off the console, accept the fact that we will never know how it ends,
and forget it like a nightmare.
Hell no!
Do you think I don't know who did it with you and where you came from?
Ghostly Village is nothing more that a hack.
The original version of the game was developed in 1985 by Capcom,
first released at arcades, and then on NES.
And originally it wasn't called Ghostly Village, it was called Ghosts'n Goblins.
That's the title of the American and European version of the game.
It was released in Japan too, of course, but under other title, Makaimura.
It could be literally translated as 'Hell Village', which sums up the content pretty well, isn't?
Both versions were identical by the gameplay and difficulty.
Only one minor detail was different.
American-European version of the game offered infinite continues after game over.
Japanese Makaimura game offered to break your ass apart in a cruel manner, and beat the game with just two lives.
And of course, Chinese pirates decided to pirate that mega hardcore version, and called it Ghostly Village,
while European and American NES gamers were able to continue from the same level infinitely.
It is simply impossible to get Japanese logic in this case.
because they also considered the original Battletoads game so difficult
that they reworked almost every level for Japanese version of the game, and made it very easy.
So how in the world they were able to release incredibly hardcore version of Ghosts'n Goblins
excluded the only thing that would make the game at least somehow beatable,
and thus pushed the difficulty way over the top?
Who knows.
Nevertheless, despite only the Japanese version was available in our country,
being it Makaimura, or Ghostly Village,
and despite the American version wasn't available on the pirate cartridges,
we all remember the game under the title Ghosts'n Goblins.
That's because it was released on the licensed Steepler cartridges under this title.
Despite the cartridges themselves contained Japanese version of the game.
One of these cartridges was later shown in the 'Dendy - Novaya Realnost' TV show,
where the host of the show Sergey Suponev, shows a label with Japanese logo of the game,
without any English title,
but calls it Ghosts'n Goblins for few times.
He didn't mentioned about the absurd difficulty of the game in the show.
But certainly warns gamers with words about the abyss of hell and deadly dangers that they going to face there.
He also makes a very bold statement.
(Suponev, in a nasty voice): 'I know how this game ends, and you are not'.
You know, I'm really doubt that Suponev knew how the game ends.
Because if he really knew what happens in the end,
he would never ever recommended anyone to play it.
Anyone who dare to challenge this game
and spend few years of his life and billions of nerve cells to get to the end with just two lives,
will meet the most cruel f... up in the whole history of video games.
When you manage to get through all that terrible nightmare to the final boss, and beat him in great anticipation of the final cut,
you'll see...
This room is an illusion and is a trap devisut by Satan.
Go ahead dauntlessly! Make rapid progres!
After this you are thrown at the very beginning of the game and have to beat it for second time.
I think it would be much easier to write just two simple words instead:
Game over.
So, in order to save your princess and see the final cut, you have to beat this game two times in a row.
Well, but...
It... It just incomprehensible, I can't get it.
How...
How it was even possible to release this...
this...
Well, THIS, on the 8-bit game market.
It seems that the game was intentionally designed to wreck everyone's brains.
and wean to take Dendy gamepad in the hands ever again.
Anyone even tested it?!
Damn, it is impossible to beat even once!
How the heck it is possible to do this two times in a row with just two shitty lives?!
Even with infinite continues you need to spend whole day on this, repeating the same shit all over again,
and replay every level for 150 times.
It is not just twisting the balls, it is tying them in a knot.
By the way, in the 'Novaya Realnost' TV show, besides the review, the game was also shown in a 'Who and where' section,
where two experts on video game secrets revealed the secrets of Ghosts'n Goblins.
Let's listen.
'OK, that's the very beginning...'
'on the first screen...'
'you'll see that different ghosts coming of the ground...'
'and you have a weapon...'
'swords, and you kill with the swords'
'Some of the dead come out bearing a jar'.
'And if you kill him, the dead...'
'he leave...'
'Bonuses?' 'Yes, bonuses...'
'some of them are pieces of armor'.
'These blue things?' 'Yes'.
'You have to collect them'.
'Why?' 'More armor pieces you collect...'
'higher your power become'.
'And when you collect certain number of them...'
'No less than 8.' 'Yes...'
'This increase your attacking power'. 'Yes, and the weapon improve...'
So, if you collect 8 knight dolls, your number of hits and weapon power increase.
I thought you can only get 200 or 300 points for collecting these, depending from the color, and nothing more.
Now you see what the professionals wrote the secrets in the cheat book?
Besides the TV show, the game was also reviewed in 'Dendy - Novaya Realnost' magazine.
The article was titled 'What a goblin'.
Yeah. I would title it 'What a f... game' instead.
That would be much more informative.
Anyway. The article was rather fun.
Full of cool phrases, like 'got a girl, now save her',
'weapon is not enough to swear by',
That's for sure.
When I read there that the game is very life-like,
that made me facepalm.
This game is f... life-like!
It is so full of life, should I say - lives, heaps of them.
You can say that the author meant that the game is realistic.
But is this looks anything like the reality?
From a picnic with zombies on a cemetery, to the demons, dragons, and the heck knows what else.
The whole article contains walkthrough of the first level only,
and closes with the first boss strategy, with words 'it is easy to avoid his moves, you'll get to the next level for sure'.
And not a single word from the author about the complete ass that starts from the second level.
Well, the article is informative, at least.
Unlike the secrets from professionals in the cheat book.
You know what? In the cheat book with codes for Ghostly Village there are codes for Ghosts'n Goblins too.
And would you believe, the text is very different.
'Ghosts and Goblins. Level select'.
Oh, our prayers have been answered!
'Hold Right, press B three times'.
'Press Up, press B again'.
'Press Left, press B three times'.
'Press Down, press B three times again, then Start'.
Impressive.
Alright.
Damn, if this does not work...
OK, if I get it right, I have to hold Right, press B three times,
Up, B, Left, B three times,
Down, B three times, Start.
Nothing.
One more time.
Right, B, B, B, Up, B, Left, B, B, B, Down, B, B, B, Start.
Still nothing.
Damn, it can't be!
Right, B three times, Up, B, Left...
15 minutes and 20 attempts later.
...Left, B, B, B, Down, B, B, B, Start.
What the?..
'Level select menu. Press B, B, B, Up, B, B, B, Left, Down...'
Start.
What a familiar code.
And the game is Ghost 'n Ghouls.
There is no such a game for Dendy.
There is a Super Nintendo game Super Ghouls'n Ghosts, which is an advanced version of the Ghosts'n Goblins.
And this one is... Ghost 'n Ghouls.
But the code is the same!
Wait...
It says that you need to press B three times after every direction button.
And for the Ghosts'n Goblins code it was said that you need to press B only once after Up.
Damn!
Right, B, B, B, Up, B, B, B, Left, B, B, B, Down, B, B, B, Start.
It works!!!
Damn!
Da...
Frigging great.
Damned professionals!
They made a mistake in the code for Ghosts'n Goblins,
but made no mistake in the code for a non-existent game that is actually was for Ghosts'n Goblins.
Alright, it works, and thanks for that.
So, we actually have a way to start this freaky game from any level.
But how could it help us to beat the game twice?
Believe or not, there is a way.
We can start right from the last boss, but there is a catch.
In order to kill him, we need to get a special weapon, a cross, on the sixth level.
Then we have to get to the boss with this weapon, and kill him.
But with the level select code we don't have to complete the level.
We can just take the cross, and die.
After first death there is the level select screen again, and we still have the cross.
So we can just select the last level, and kill the demon.
After the demon is defeated, we get the screen that tells 'go f... yourself', and start from the first level.
But, now we can just select the seventh level and start from the final boss,
And this battle will be counted as the second one, i.e. final.
I'll beat your ass, dickhead!
Over here!
Get over here!
You're mine, son of a bitch!
Come on!
Come!
Do it!
Yeah!!! Is it really happened?!
Being the wise and courageour knight that you are you feel strongth welling in your body.
Return to starting point. Challenge again!
Go f... yourself!
Created and directed by Pavel Grinev a.k.a. Kinaman
Camera work by Maksim Edush a.k.a. McSIM
Cover versions of 'Ghosts 'n Goblins' by Jonas Tunander, Richard Jaques and Cody Chavez.
Artwork by Andrew Vdovichenko a.k.a. The Sandman
This video contains fragments of 'Dendy - Novaya Realnost' TV show and a video by Artem Pirinyazov a.k.a. GooDok
Thanks for help and support to McSIM, Oreanor, Coulthard, FCst1, GooDok, Wowik, Angel82, Slayer Moon, and Kurtkurt222