Denise Richards Booty Trumps Charlie Sheen DBagery!

Hello internet
welcome to the Monday
Philip DeFranco Show
it's April 4, 2011
let's jump into some of the stuff that mattered to me today in the news,
starting with the Barack Obama re-election campaign for 2012

now no one thought the re-election campaign was not going to happen
we always knew it was going to happen,
even though, in my opinion, the presidency is the shittiest job you could possibly have
not only do you do everything wrong,
but even if you do the right thing, you never do it in time
that's like a bus, speeding out of control,
guy comes down in a helicopter,
Mission Impossible style, jumps into the driver seat
and then everyone starts complaining that you're driving the bus too fast
not a good gig, but along with offically announcing re-election campaign
a campaign video was released and I love campaign videos
because the people in the videos are always the people that they're targeting
and what they're saying, is really what
hoping you're thinking, so you target like
sexy old black lady
white guy that looks like he would normally be scared of black people
young white kid that wants to seem cool by voting for a black president
demographics down, then of course, it's
mainly about two things, one: Hey remember 2008
let's all vote like we did then
right? we're going to vote right?
young people? and then the second is when the old white guy says this:

Which really means: "You know guys,
I've made some decisions that you guys don't like,
or have necessarily panned out so far, but trust!
That needs to replace hope,
because 2008 we hoped, now we
should trust you
to make true our promise
that you haven't really
okay, one of the big things with this campaign
is many people that over one billion
dollars will be raised, which isn't a crazy number
$750 million was spent
on Barack Obama's campaign in 2008
that's a stimulus package, that's all we need
we should just have a new election every year
and just all those unemployed people, hire them to
run the campaigns, boom, recession done
and you know, many people have asked me
"Phil, are you going to vote for Barack Obama for 2012?"
and to that I say
look at this video of lions (tigers) and bears
playing together, that's adorable!
but in all seriousness, those
bears and lions (tigers) are orphans
but in all honestly, I think that is a stupid question
right now, I'm going to wait to see who the Republicans bring out
because I don't stand with the Libs or the Repubs
I have this weird stance that people should, you know,
weigh their options, and not just stick their dick
in whatever looks nice at the time, but that's just me
new that's awesome if you're already scared flying
a Boeing 737 owned by
Southwest Airlines, over the weekend, fucking
hole just popped in, everyone is chilling
watching their free verison of the 'Bourne Identity'
Matt Damon, fucking kicks ass in that movie
but, they were interrupted by the plane
opening at 34,000 feet in the air
most everyone remained calm, a lady screamed
because you always have to have a lady scream
an emergency landing, of course, this hurts the
Southwest image, as much as you can
hurt the Southwest image, when I think of Southwest
Airlines, I always imagine chickens running around,
I don't fly that airline, but the airline took a look at
some of their older planes of the same model
and found a few similar probelms, what I mean is holes
in planes, that's not a problem
that's just a thing that stops planes
from being usable, then of course,
there's another flight, it smelt like wires were burning
to which Southwest Airlines was like
"Oh it's a different issue!"
I don't think so, isn't the issue, people possibly dying by falling out of the sky
because that seems like the same issue
not good news for them, their losing a lot of flights, which means
they're losing a lot of money, which is never a good thing
then of course, a lot of celebrities in the news
Charlie Sheen started his live show
no not the ones where he's cracked out on Ustream
which ever friend talk him into that should be fucking shot in the face
but the actual live shows that he's doing on stage
he started in Detroit
started off a little weird until
Charlie Sheen started getting booed
people started leaving, the only thing actually keeping Charlie Sheen
from being booed off stage was him
inability to realize that people didn't like him
Charlie Sheen even reacting to the boo's by going
"I already got your money!"
Which is a terrible to scream at someone
in an audience, especially since you don't know how refunds work apparently
but then after the flub in Detroit
he went to Chicago, where apparently he had a better show
and by better show, I mean
things did not catch on fire, and Charlie Sheen did not poop himself
so that was good, he riped his shirt off
did more of an interview show, less people walked out
maybe, Charlie Sheen finding his stint, good work
in other Charlie Sheen news,
Denise Richards was photographed in a bikini and
how Charlie Sheen was ever inside of her
actually that's not true, bitch is crazy
but Denise Richards is hot!
and the reason I bring up Denise Richards is anytime I talk about
Charlie Sheen, I will negate his crazy douchebaggery
with Denise Richards' ass, I feel
that's a good trade off, agreed? okay.
Miley Cyrus was in the news again, not for smoking salvia
showing us her cooter,
or her asshole,
good it's a plus, Billy Ray did a good job
but Miley was in the news over the weekend because she was like "Rebecca Black
I hate Rebecca Black!"
and then here come the words that she regrets,
"People shouldn't be able to upload a video on YouTube and then just be able
sell that song and be famous,
it shouldn't be that easy to be famous,
to which many of YouTube responded, "Bitch shut your face!"
All you are is Billy Ray's daughter,
who got a Disney deal, then slutted it up between
16 and 18, which is what you're supposed to do
if you work for Disney and now you are where you are
but I understand where she might have been coming from
that people that are infamous, are being confused with people that famous
i.e. people that suck so bad!
a
are put in the same light as people that actually have talent, but rather
explaining herself like that, Miley just
fucking 180 saying "I'm a fan of Rebecca Black
I love Rebecca Black,
I was just misquoted"
bitch how were you misquoted that much, I mean like that quote
was not preceded by, "I love Rebecca Black so much, I hate Rebecca Black
no one should be able to be famous like that"
That doesn't make sense, then moving over to awesome
stuff over in Japan, TEPCO
the company that's been trying to stop this whole
"radiation thing"
is now dumping 11,000 tons of iodine-131
contaminated water
directly into the Pacific Ocean
bad news, of course, is that it's radioactive
whatever that means,
scientists don't even know, the good news, is that it has a half-life
of like 8 days, so if you could
refrain from using water
for a while, you're in the cleear, but that is not actually
the worst news coming out of Japan, our biggest story today is
I fucking hate it
because it's almost like clockwork
disaster, people help, they join hands
then "Where'd the money go?"
as of today $1 billion
of money, $1 billion of relief aid
from people like you
and me, who are like "oh my god these people
are in need, this situation
affects me in just this
terrible way, and I'm going to try and help
over $1 billion of that money, has not gone to
help any of the Japanese quake
victims, but Phil, where did the money go?
well let's look at excuses, because really
that's all we have right now.