Wainy Days #8: Plugged - REMASTERED!


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 04.09.2009

Transcript:

-You know, It's so funny, Beth.
We came to the park to get away from the shallowness of
everyday life, and people around here seem to be more
concerned about their appearances than anybody.
When it's all about looks, you don't get a chance to know the
real person.
Like, what's underneath that bikini, you know?
-I know, exactly.
-No, seriously.
Like, what's underneath?
Like, if you took off your bikini, what would I see?
-Well.
It's just, like, skin.
It's just skin.
-Oh, god.
-Anyway, what do I know about you?
Who's the real David?
-Well, it's complicated.
-Try me.
-I'm just a guy who wishes I could have sex with someone.
I mean, there was Lucy Davis in high school, and ever since
then, and now I'm 38, and I don't know.
-David.
Women don't care about what it is you have down here.
-No?
-No.
What women care about is what's up here.
-Oh, brains.
-No.
I--I was pointing to your hairline.
Yeah, women like a man with a full head of hair.
You're balding, and it's completely sickening me and--
I gotta go.
-Wha?
Beth--
ah!

DR. NANCY (OFFSCREEN): You know, while you're here, we
could fix up that nose.
Highlight those cheekbones a little bit.
Would you like that?
DAVID (OFFSCREEN): Can you do something about my chin, too?
-Sure.
We'll tell the insurance company
it's a deviated septum.
(SHOUTING) Jeremy, cancel my lunch.
[HISS OF GAS]
-I'm going to put Mr. Wain under and then molest him for
a little while.
Now don't be shocked, Mr. Wain.
It sometimes takes months for the swelling to go down.

Well?

-It's beautiful.

-Somewhere in that bar is the woman of my dreams.
I can smell it.
Yep.
Things are starting to look like roses for good old David
Wain.
-All right, David, now look.
Don't get your confidence up too much.
I mean, after all, you are still just a man.
-Have you seen how handsome I am?
-David, handsome isn't just about a look.
It's about, uh, your spirit, your state of mind.
-Shh.
Shh.
Pshh.
Pshh.
Psshh.
I can fake all that.
I'm David.
And I'm handsome.
If you need an extra jumper cables, I happen to have some
in my trousers.
Don't get me wrong.
I like nipple hair--
I guess my favorite currency is, first, the dime, then the
quarter, then the nickel--
The new mortgage rate crisis is making it very difficult
for young people--
Ultimately, it's the best strategy that wins.
And that's why they call it backgammon--

Aw, awww.
-Oh, Jesus, David.
Come on.
-My face, my beautiful face.
They smacked the shit out of it.
Women hate me more than ever.
-Well, I told you, David.
It's not about the physical appearance.
-Please explain.
-Well, you see, David, they miss the
funny, sensitive David.
The David that if they took home, he'd
be eternally grateful.
What you need to do is find your--
-No, I get it.
I get it.

-Wait!
Stop, stop, stop--

Hey.
Hey.
I, uh, I'm sorry.
I don't have an appointment, I know--
-But you want to go back to the way things were.
I've been expecting you.
-How did you now?
-They always come back, sooner or later.
-Oh!
[BOTH LAUGH SOFTLY]
-It's great to have the old David back.
We all missed you.
-Well, it's good to be back, Zandy.
-As Confucius said, everything has its beauty, but not
everyone sees it.
-He also said, before you embark on a journey of
revenge, dig two graves.
[SUSPENSEFUL HORROR MOVIE MUSIC]