Commenting on your comments - 5/8/12 (FULL EP)


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 08.05.2012

Transcript:

BETH HOYT: Are you--
are you chewing gum?
Come on.

I'll take care of that.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
BETH HOYT: Hi, you guys.
It's me, your host, Beth Hoyt.
And this is MyDamnChannel LIVE.
I can't keep secrets.
I'm going to tell you, I went on a date last night.
It was--
OK, I'm going to tell you.
It was sweet.
And it was sweet and everything.
He handpicked flowers for me.
And he made this homemade meal.
He got wine.
He made a playlist that he shared with me via Spotify.
It's just-- and I don't--
OK, I don't want to be ungrateful, but when you agree
to go out with Mark Zuckerberg, you
expect to be taken out.
Like you're dressing up to be seen.
Anyway, he's a sweet guy.
We talked about Facebook.
OK, today I'm going to answer your tweets and your comments,
and talk to you.
I'm doing crowd work today, but you're not a crowd.
You're my friends.
Keep that in mind those of you who write mean
things, you are my friend.
Big shout-out to everyone for not ever
making fun of my overbite.
I've been worried about that since I started doing
MyDamnChannel LIVE.
Listen, I sucked my thumb for a long time.
You're supposed to actually wear those retainers,
apparently--
whatever.
OK, I'm going to give you some time to get into that chat or
tweet with me @thebethhoyt.
And when we come back, it's me and you, babe.
First up though, now-- right now, the hilarious Daddy Knows
Best with Game Night.
Games people play, man.
Oh, BTW, Steve Rannazzisi, the said "Daddy," will be our
guest next Wednesday.
Watch and get excited.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-A penis.
Dirty Sanchez.
-Money shot.
-Yes.
[CHEERING].
-Money shot.
I said that too, money shot.
I told you Porno Pictionary was the way to go.
-Hey, why don't we kick it up a notch and make this into a
swingers' party.
-Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
-I choose Nancy.
-What?
-That little filly.

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): What are you talking about?
-For the swingers' party.
I thought we were choosing up, like draft picks.
No?
-No.
That was a joke, Steve.
-Yeah, no, I totally-- haha.
I get that.
I was kidding, too.
I'm not even attracted to Nancy, so--
ugh.
-So now my wife's unattractive?
-On the contrary, my friend.
Your wife's smoking hot.
And if I were single, I would be [INAUDIBLE]
in that.
-Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah, you would just--
-No.
-You would do--
-No, no, Steve.
Actually, you're the last person in this room that I'd
want to have sex with.
-Yeah, OK.
-OK?
-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah.
-You know Brad's here, right?
Have you met Brad?
He's sitting right over there.
-Yeah, I met Brad.
-You're telling me you would have sex with Brad before you
had sex with moi?
-Yeah.
-Really?
-Yeah.
You know what, though?
You'd have to get behind me in line though, because I would
totally hit that.
-I would totally hit that.
Look at me.
Everybody's getting on the Brad wagon.
-Yeah, Steve.
OK, he's smart.
He's sophisticated.
And he speaks three languages.
It's very sexy.
-Well, two and a half--
Spanish, French, and a soupcon of Klingon.
-That's not even a language.
What are we talking about?
Phil, can you do me a favor and help me out here.
Help a brother out.
-What am I going to say?
Brad's awesome.
I've got agree with the girls, you know?
He's pretty attractive.
And if I was going to have a relationship with a man, if I
was going to experiment, I'd want Brad to be my first.
-Oh, dear Jesus.
-Oh, sweet.
-Are you telling me right now you're looking at me and
telling me you would have sex with Brad before you let me
enter you as your first?
-Yes.
You're aggressive.
You would--
I feel like you would hurt me down there.
-You have no idea.
-Yeah, you're like a bull in a China shop.
-Damn right I would wreck you.
You know what's wrecking me right now?
All this talk about Brad being better than me in bed.
You have no idea what I have to offer, huh?
You see this move, Brad.
You cannot even fathom what this move is.
-No, Steve.
Don't do this.
-Nancy, stare at my face right now.
-Don't look at him.
-Watch.
Double time.
Emily, ba-ba-ba-bah.
-Honey, no.
Just stop, Steve.
-No, I will not stop because Brad started this with his
macho atmosphere.
You want to have a hump-off?
-I'm not going to hump the air.
I'm too busy humping my wife.
[LAUGHTER]
-Wow, lucky her.
-In your face.
-No more, OK?
No, no, no.
Oh!
-How about that?
Four and a half inches, cut, no VDs, grade A meat.
-That's enough.
That's it.
You crossed the line, Steven.
Get out.
-All right, it's time for you to go.
-Get the fuck out!
-I am so sorry.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
-Oh, yeah.
No, we're not sorry.
The opposite of sorry.
-Are you happy, Steve?
Are you happy?
-No, I'm not happy.
-Oh really?
So you're sorry finally?
-No, they didn't even let me show them my go-to move, the
hot toboggan where I do the whirl and twirl.
-Don't.
Please, honey.
Stop.
Just stop.
-I'm going to go back and show Brad.
That will put me over the top.
Hey, Brad.
Check this one out.
-Oh, god.

-We want you to come work for your father's website.
It is good, honest work.
-I'm never going to be like you, working on the internet.
I'm going to live by the sweat of my brow.
This sucks.

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): McMayhem.
-If you don't mind, I'm with the Adjustment Bureau.
I'm adjusting people all day long.
-Oh, thanks.
-I'm with the Adjustment Bureau.
You know, It's a sunny day.
You're wearing a nice belt.
It's a little punk rock.
It's a little chic.
You've been adjusted.
Got to get rid of that hat, though.
For me, for the world, and for Ed Hardy.
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): McMayhem.

BETH HOYT: All right, here we go.
It's Twitter/YouTube comments time.
Twit tube com time, that's what I call it.
Let's go, people.
Lets do this.
Who we got first?
We have a tweet.
This tweet is from thward81, or T-H ward.
"Old roommate--
whoa, this is Tom Ward.
We were roommates in college-- cooking Q--
after I cook my frozen pizza, the first few bites taste
strongly of cardboard and plastic wrap.
Any
tips?" Uh, yeah.
I have some tips.
It's called Digiorno.
I hear that it tastes like delivery.
That's what the word is.
That's what they say in the commercials.
So if you're going to go with a frozen pizza, I
would choose that one.
Or is that just a dough you buy that's only refrigerated
and not-- you're nodding.
It's refrigerated?
Anyway, no, the nod is for--
Let's look at a comment.
Thanks, Tom.
Hi, Tom.
A comment from YouTube.
This is from brando187781.
"Beth, can I be our first internet stalker?
I swear I'll keep it PG."
Can I prevent you?
Do I have any--
I mean, are you asking?
That's a very polite stalker move.
Also, are you the first one?
I mean, I think I have a few.
No, just kidding.
Another comment from YouTube from jazoj.
I get confused the J's, you know?
I like that you're trying to confuse me with how to
pronounce it.
"YouTube Live is amazing.
This should be the future of television."
Guess what, jazoj--
it is.
It fricken is.
This isn't the future then, I live in the past.
We have another comment from YouTube
and it is from othlove10.
Maybe he loves Othello.
He loves Othello and he's 10.
No.
"So Beth, basically your life is like 27 dresses?
Haha."
Haha, smiley face.
It's so funny.
It's so funny.
Because I've been a bridesmaid like eight times?
Because that?
Or because I have blond hair and once someone told me I
look like Katherine Heigl.
Is that why?
Are you 10 years old?
Another comment from YouTube is from jokerstyleinfinite.
I like that.
That's a high concept name. "Hi.
Are you going to watch
The Avengers?" Yep.
Yep, I am.
I'm going to watch the crap out of that.
I've just avoided the first weekend rush because I did
that with Cabin in the Woods.
I did it with Hunger Games.
Sometimes I have to be mentally prepared to deal with
that many people in one theater, you know?
I'm into it, though.
I'm going to see it.
Have you seen it?
I can't wait.
Comment?
Another comment.
It's from MrMadpackit.
"Beth--
MrMadpackit--
I really want to see your show.
I just don't know when you'll go live in my time zone.
I live in Denmark."
Well, I know what time that is in Denmark.
I know, so I'll tell you that it is when Hamlet--
that's my knowledge of Denmark.
That's all I know about Denmark.
So I don't know.
I can't help you.
But you can watch it on demand later.
Or just have an all-nighter.
That's all the time we have for comments.
I appreciate you guys [INAUDIBLE].
That was fun, right?
Now I have a question for Jon Friedman.
How did--
how did Oscar the Grouch come to be?

FEMALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): It's The Jon Friedman Internet
Program on your World Wide Web.
[DIAL UP INTERNET]
-And that's why I think this show needs an asshole living
in the garbage.
FEMALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): It's The Jon Friedman Internet
Program on your World Wide Web.
GREGORY BROTHERS: We're the Gregory Brothers and you're
watching MyDamnChannel LIVE.

Yeah!

BETH HOYT: Uh, Jill.
You know, [INAUDIBLE]
said you were great.
But she didn't tell me you were awesome.
-Well, she said some very nice things about you, too.
-Wait.
Wait a minute.
I don't want to know because she knows
all my dirty secrets.
-She said that you have a very small penis.
-No.
No, I don't.
I don't.
I have a small pelvis.
That's probably what she--
-Relax.
Relax.
That's why I wanted to go out with you.
Tiny and soft is what gets me going.
-Seriously?
-Oh, yeah.

DONNIE HOYLE (OFFSCREEN): Get off of my internet.

[CLOCK TICKING]
BETH HOYT: That was a tease.
Tomorrow on MyDamnChannel LIVE we'll be playing that brand
new episode of You Suck at Photoshop that we just teased,
along with other brand new MyDamnChannel originals.
Also, tomorrow from Mr. Show, Arrested Development, The
Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret and so much
more, David Cross will be here.
I can't wait.
I'll see you tomorrow at 4:00 PM Eastern.
And until then, just buy yourself some flowers.
[MUSIC PLAYING]