Crappy Valentine's Day! (2.14.11 #61)


Uploaded by DividedAsOne on 15.02.2011

Transcript:
» [Sasha barking]
» BRUNO: Nothing like our good neighbors to set the mood for Valentine’s Day.
» [Another dog joins in]
» ♪ [Theme music] ♫
» [Sasha growls and barks]
» BRUNO: Wow, is that a nasty sound.
» [Two dogs barking]
» BRUNO: I see that.
» [Growling] » BRUNO: What a pleasure it is to come outside[!]
» [Sasha barking] » BRUNO: That is fantastic.
Taking them to animal control twice really did wonders.
» [Dogs barking]
» BRUNO: What a ‹beautiful› sound that is[!]
» [Distant dog barking]
» BRUNO: Jesus Christ! » [Sasha barking]
» [Distant dog barking] » BRUNO: So sick of this!
I mean, you would live in a place like this specifically for peace and quiet.
Otherwise, live somewhere exciting, which is what we’re trying to do now,
but we’re broke, so we can’t. We’re stuck here.
We thought we were gonna live in a nice, quiet place—
» [Dogs continue barking] » Ugh!
—where we could do our work and not be bothered by…
We didn’t want to live in an apartment anymore because of… all the same stuff we have now!
(Whispers:) Oh, and she’s been in the kitchen for over an hour now,
and I just want to go have my breakfast.
She’s got her laptop open; that can’t be good. What does that mean?
She was in here for two hours.
(Normal voice:) Here’s a new one.
Good God!
Where’s my stuff?
You know, you might not even see it and go to grab, like, a fork or something or a spoon,
and then you realize that she did it again!
Christ almighty!
Not one thing is ours.
I don’t know what it is she made in here, but it smells kind of like rotting lettuce.
I actually know a great way to fix that.
[Coughs] Well, I just found the source of the smell.
Oh! Wow.
We actually have a compost bin.
Now it’s noon.
» [Sasha barks]
» BRUNO: All you have to do— you can go like this. » [Sasha barking]
» BRUNO: Yeah. Any sound I make back here—
» [Sasha barking] » —gets barked at.
So really, you just can’t come outside if you don’t wanna get barked at.
» [Airplane engine] » [Mia talking unintelligibly]
» BRUNO: What? » MIA: Gotta love that barking!
» BRUNO: Can’t hear you from all that flying!
I brought the fan in to help drown some of the distant barking.
» ‹And› push the smell back. » BRUNO: Right.
(Shouting:) Happy Valentine’s Day, Mia!
» Happy Valentine’s Day, Bruno. » BRUNO: What‽
» Happy Valentine’s Day! » BRUNO: Oh, thanks!
» MIA: No, that’s no good. » BRUNO: No good.
» MIA: You might as well… I mean, you can pretty much
open it all the way even if it ‹is› locked.
» Hey, if you want to break into our house, now’s the time to do it.
Alrighty. It’s been a week since the last time we drove
since we don’t have any gas.
Oh, such a pain, but we could use a little change in scenery.
Kinda had enough house and barking for one morning.
» I can’t wait to get out of here. » BRUNO: Mia!
Should I go in here or keep driving?
This person has been sitting here and ‹continues› to sit— I’m going.
I don’t know ‹what› is going on here.
Still there. Still there!
That lady’s blocking ‹that› driveway,
and this person’s blocking ‹this› driveway.
Mia, can you explain what’s going on here? » MIA: No….
» BRUNO: Where is this person?
Living here is such a pain in the ass.
» MIA: She just… [Scoffs] » BRUNO: Yeah.
» Stupid woman. » BRUNO: Should we just go home?
I can’t wait here all day.
9:30? Okay.
Thank you. Bye.
» That makes me want to cry.
» BRUNO: We could eat at 9:30.
» That’s too late.
» BRUNO: Want to order a pizza for Valentine’s Day?
» [Sighs] Might not have any other options.
» BRUNO: This is where we’re going for Valentine’s Day.
How depressing is this?
This was romantic.
» I guess it was better than staying at home.
» BRUNO: It’s attack of the… strange hand.
It grows out of your stomach!
[Sighs] This is what’s close, and this is what we can afford,
so here we are at McDonald’s on Valentine’s Day.
So it’s depressing for a number of reasons. I was doing good about no-McDonald’s.
Mia’s making me pay for dessert.
Honey, we are in luck: I can get us pie.
» MIA: [Laughs] Oh, before the sales tax.
» BRUNO: No-no, I have coins.
There we go.
Here, Jerry, you can have the rest of this. Go on.
If you find anything—you don’t want that.
That’s my terrorist picture. » [Jerry and Mia laugh]
» BRUNO: That’ll get you arrested; you don’t want that.
I can’t fly with my driver’s license.
Ten cents of sales tax on one dollar. » MIA: That’s pathetic.
» BRUNO: We’re back from McDonald’s. » [Distant barking]
» BRUNO: Moochie, what are you looking at? Ghosts again?
Oh, Christ, I think she sees another Goddamn ghost!
Moochie, you’re freaking us out? What is it? What do you see?
What?
She sees ‹something›.
Mia, what is her deal lately? » MIA: I don’t know.
» BRUNO: There’s something in the kitchen and in the living room that she sees.
» MIA: The weirdest thing is when she starts walking with her back arched into the living room
with her tail all puffed out, and there’s nothing in there.
» BRUNO: There! It’s the greatest thing today. It’s the coolest thing of the day!
» MIA: It looks like Buzz Lightyear as a coffee cup.
» BRUNO: Mittens, that’s adorable.
That really smells lovely[!]
I can’t ‹believe› this is still going on.
Now they’re crying instead of barking.
» [Fan speeds up]
» BRUNO: Good smell? » MIA: It’s unbelievable!
» BRUNO: I had my headphones on, so I didn’t hear the tenant come home,
but all of a sudden, the smell just smacked me in the face.
» The door is ‹closed› and it’s so strong! » BRUNO: I know.
Could that possibly just be from the car?
» It’s way too strong to just be— » BRUNO: That is really strong!
» Let’s just eat these cupcakes, and we’ll get right to Conan.
» ♪ [Electric guitar] ♫
» [Applause]
» I think they had a funner day than we did.
» MIA: Yeah, a little bit.
» BRUNO: This is when you say, “Hey, do you want me to take out the garbage?”
» MIA: It’s not just the garbage, it’s that smell coming from the room, too.
» BRUNO: Well, yeah. » MIA: It’s mixing.
» BRUNO: Hmm? » MIA: It’s stuck! Look at this.
She put it over this thing.
» BRUNO: See? You gave credit too quickly.
You tried to say she did something right.
[Laughing] Mia!
Oh, how did she do it?
Oh, gross.
» [Blackie barking]
» BRUNO: Stinky!
I just watched Vlerabrite on Conan.
Peeps!
They threw Peeps at me! Conan!
This is outrageous!
» [Sasha barking]
» BRUNO: Gotta be kidding!
» [Barking]
» BRUNO: I just…
» [Barking]
» BRUNO: How do you make it stop‽
» [Sasha barking throughout]
» ♪ [Theme music] ♫