Greetings nerds and alcoholics. It's June 28th.
Greetings midwives and neonazis. It's June 28th.
Greetings polygamists and hoboes. It's June 28th.
Greetings pals and confidantes. Thank you for being a friend.
I guess I'm having trouble defining my audience. I don't want to call you strangers anymore.
I feel like I know you but I don't know what to call you.
Perhaps 'sports racers'? No, that doesn't make any sense.
In the comments, a lot of you want my beard back. So for now I'll call you beardlovers.
No, not beerlovers, you crazy. Housekeeping.
Yeah, so, about my beard. I've noticed a lot of anger towards me lately. Chill out. The
beard's coming back and it's gonna be even better.
LOLRORXXORS says he wants a user-submitted script delivered as if I were reading cue
cards. Well LOL if you were to so inclined you could
perhaps write the episode and send it to me and I would see what I could do. Otherwise
it is a snowball chance in purgatory I would ever use cue cards because it does not feel
spontaneous enough. So LOL in your face. Ha ha. Danzig.
People also seemed pissed off about that whole merit point mumbo jumbo. So we're not going
to do that anymore. I've got a new way you can win the Benzine
t-shirt. Write songs about chips and salsa. And the writer of the best song gets the Benzine
t-shirt. Send it to my e-mail. cgbenzine at hotmail dot com.
Alright, it's serious time. The inominant blogger asked about tipping.
His first question is, is 20 percent good or standard.
20 percent is standard. A server will be a little disappointed if it's less than 20 percent.
They'll think you're either a cheapskate jerkwad or you're foreign.
I realize sometimes servers can give poor service, and if you really want to send a
message, giving a bad tip is not the way to do it. Servers make below minimum wage. And
I ask you, Mister Inominant, if you gave me poor service at your job, how would you feel
if I docked your pay? If you really want to send a message, talk to a manager or write
it down on the receipt. Now there are exceptions that would make even
me leave a bad tip, such as your waiter resting his junk on your table.
But as a waiter, I've only done that four or five times. So it's rare.
What is that? I think I smell a Nate in my apartment. Does
that mean ....? Yes it does. It's time for The Nates I Know.
Nate McGregor is the bartender where I work. He told me he grew up in Denver. I always
wondered what it was like to grow up inside a singer-songwriter and bird kisser. Sadly,
Nate can no longer conceal his tall man finger, probably because he found too much sustenance
in helium. Don't float away, Nate. His favorite pasttime is waving next to his automobile,
but he's all set. He registered in 2004. Hey there, Nate, welcome to [music]. Can I
get you something to drink? Hello. Welcome to [music]. Can I get YOU something
to drink? I'm the waiter. I'm the one who gets the drinks.
I'm the bartender. Can I get YOU something to drink?
I'm the one who is the one who gets the drinks. But I'm the bartender. I'm the one who gets
the drinks. Aaaaagh.
Aaaaaaa. Geeeeee.
Waaaaaaa. GRRRR. I'm so angry.
It's my apartment. Look at me. I'm the Wheezy Waiter. I have
asthma. Get drunk!
