Goodwin vs. Badwin - Hide and Seek (Ep #8)

[Goodwin:] Get freshly squeezed with love lemonade here!
Only 25 cents!
[Badwin:] Get your stolen identity here!
Start a new life today!
[Goodwin:] What's an identity?
[Badwin:] Well, think of an identity as an apple on your neighbor's tree.
And when he's not looking, you reach over the fence and just pluck it.
[Goodwin:] I like apples.
[Badwin:] Exactly.
Except this apple allows you to spend money that's not yours.
[Goodwin:] Stealing is naughty, Badwin!
[Badwin:] And yet, with a little cough syrup and Ambien, I sleep just fine.
[Goodwin:] You're... you're hurting people.
It's a new low!
[Badwin:] Well, I'm flattered, but I assure you that I'm donating all the money to a good cause.
[Goodwin:] Really?
[Badwin:] Of course not, stupid face!
(laughing) [Goodwin:] You know,
some day all your naughtiness is going to catch up with you, Badwin.
[Goodwin:] Where you going?
[Badwin:] Uh, I've gotta go drop a deuce, you know, just gonna check on deuce mountain.
[Goodwin:] Well I'm gonna come with you. I wanna make sure you behave.
[Badwin:] Y'know, what do you say we play a game.
Say, Hide and Seek. Hm?
[Goodwin:] Hide and Seek? My favorite!
I get to hide first!
[Badwin:] Oh, but that oak tree looks like it really needs a Goodwin-sized hug.
Now, cover your eyes and count to a zillion while I hide.
[Goodwin:] One... Two... Seventeen...
[Badwin:] Saddam! What are you doin' here, man?
[Saddam:] This is my hole! Get out, you infidel!
[Badwin:] Oh come on, man. I just need a place to hide.
It's not like we haven't shared holes before.
[Saddam:] Sh*t. Thanks a lot, you camel scrotum.
Wait, get away from me you freedom faggots-
[Badwin:] Osama?
[Osama:] This is my cave! Go! Get out!
[Badwin:] But- I'm playing Hide and Seek.
[Osama:] Yes, well, I'm playing Hide and Seek with the Americans.
[Badwin:] You're gonna get caught.
They're gonna get you and dump your body in the ocean.
[Osama:] I've already evaded five SEAL teams, my friend.
I'm pretty sure I'll be okay.
[Badwin:] Well... I'm going to go.
[Osama:] So! Who's up for a really good conspiracy theo-
[Goodwin:] A hundred million ninety-nine thousand!
Fourteen... One zillion!
Ready or not, here I come!
[Officer:] Good afternoon. Know where I can find this... walkin' manila envelope?
[Goodwin:] If I knew that, I'd be winning!
[Officer:] Well, if you see 'im, tell him I'd like to have a word with 'im.
[Badwin:] I just need to lay low and stay quiet.
[Waldo:] Ooh! You found me!
[Badwin:] Ssh! What's wrong with you?
[Waldo:] Now let's switch clothes and you hide!
[Badwin:] You're going to get me busted!
[Waldo:] Here, pat me down with butter.
[Badwin:] Man, you're really messed up.
[Waldo:] Nobody plays with me anymore.
[Badwin:] Oh, fine. Give me the butter.
[Officer:] Hah. Finally caught the Silver Shadow.
[Badwin:] *gasp!* A villainous nickname!
[Officer:] You're goin' to jail, Shadow.
[Badwin:] For providing a valuable service?
[Officer:] You steal people's lives.
[Badwin:] Sometimes people need a new life. A second chance.
People with mountains of debt.
Toy collecting. Hmm. Never figured you for a Brony.
[Officer:] They're so pure of heart.
[Badwin:] Wouldn't it be nice to have a second identity?
One with a load of pension squirrelled away?
Like this one. [Officer:] Ooh.
[Badwin:] I hear the new talking Pinky Pepper is hitting shelves tomorrow.
[Goodwin:] So. What ever happened with the police officer?
[Officer:] What's up, testicle-dippin' turd gobblers?
[Badwin:] Lookin' good, Officer Pickles!
[Officer:] Feelin' good, Silver Shadow.
[Badwin:] Ah! I just love my new nickname.